


my future

by starstruck_platforms



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, M/M, References to Drugs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 03:35:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29868537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starstruck_platforms/pseuds/starstruck_platforms
Summary: “kageyama, what are you saying?”“i’m saying i want to be part of your future hinata. i don’t care that you’re lowercase, whatever that means. i love you.”+everyone around me has spoken and thought in uppercase. uppercase beings have bright futures and successful lives after high school, with their future uppercase children and uppercase careers.i’m in the lowercase minority. i’m destined for a low-end job like working at a fast food chain or devoting my soul to a godlike figure that probably isn’t even real. my kind doesn’t find love, or get trapped in a toxic situation that is called “love.”tobio kageyama was the first uppercase i fell in love with. at least, that’s what i thought he was.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	1. Morning Chills

my eyes fluttered open, and peeled off the gap between myself and reality. beyond the cliff were stormy thunderclouds, with lightning striking down in the black bog. i guess i’m safe over here.

as i put my hands down on the ground to stand up, i noticed that it was raining: the sad rain that had always kept me company late at night.

“where am i?” i asked aloud, though no one was around to answer me. i turned around, and was met with a dirt path, along with shiny rocks and soil. the tree next to me was shiny too, its oak glimmering like polished iron.

i followed the path and admired the tall oak trees, raindrops dripping off of the edges of each leaf delicately. serenity is putting my heart at ease.

strolling into a glen, i smiled when i found a spider knitting its web in a bush. its back was golden, with the rest of its body remaining black.

i watched it with a smile for a bit before laying down onto the ground. i watched my somber reflection in the mucky water, my empty brown orbs staring back at me.

_ tomorrow will be a better day. _

“Hinata, wake up. It’s morning.”

“ughhh.”

the sun was flashing in the former blackness, but i didn’t feel like getting up. i wanted to go back to that forest, and feel the gleaming moon shining down on me.

“Wake up!” a pillow continuously thrashed my head, fully waking me up.

"stop it bakayama!!" i yelled, glaring at him evilly. Kageyama rolled his eyes and threw the pillow into my chest.

"Took you long enough; you sleep like my grandpa."

"whatever." last night was eclectic… for my heart at least.

i have liked Kageyama for a while. he's handsome, kind (sometimes), and light years out of my league. mostly because he's uppercase.

my eyes remained stuck on his developed figure. the sun rays glistened onto his chiseled stomach and sexy set of abs as he stretched, his shirt rising as he yawned.

good thing that he's oblivious, otherwise i wouldn't have chances to see his beautiful self like this.

"What're you looking at?"

"um, n-nothing." i looked down at my lap and wrapped kageyama's covers around myself. the sheets smelled good, like the sunshine & lemons room spray.

"You can't stay in my bed forever. We have school today."

"i know, it's just… give me a couple minutes."

"Fine." he plopped into his desk chair and took his phone, yanking it from the charger port.

i stared at him for a bit before getting out of bed. my heart began to pang as i changed into my clothes for today. they were difficult to pick out, considering all of the necessities were scattered at the bottom. i should really stop throwing things into my backpack at the last minute…

after the slightly awkward encounter, my face was still warm as we walked to school together. i was still checking him out, but in a more subtle manner.

i’m grateful for having him in my life, even though he was a dick at times. the only depressing part (other than the colorless void that is my life) was that i didn’t like him platonically; it was romantic, and i hated it.

“Can I ask you something?” Kageyama asked, adjusting his fluffy blue scarf. “go for it.”

his perfect lips and cheeks were slightly pink from the winter air… it’s really cute for some reason.

“Have you ever considered what it would be like if we have never met?”

“i’m not sure. i would probably still be bad at volleyball, and you would have gone to nationals instantly with shiratorizawa,” i replied, toying with my fingers inside of the combined front pocket.

he stops walking, and i quickly follow. Kageyama was staring at me intently, whilst making my heart get all twisty.

i force a small smile. “what? did i get too deep for you?”

he shakes his head and exhales, a white fog following. “no, just didn’t expect that kind of answer from you.”

“but it’s true. i wouldn’t be where i am without you, Kageyama,” a smile grew on his face, then a hearty laugh. it was…  _ super cute _ .

“what are you laughing about?!”

“It’s nothing. Let’s get to practice.”

both of us were relieved when we set foot inside of the heated gym. the artificial heat melted into me, and immediately made me warm.

“I needed a break from the cold, goddamn.” Kageyama said, exhaling a sigh of relief. i nod in agreement.

“you’ll get warm quickly once we start to do warm-ups.” Daichi said. we quickly started soon after, beginning with fifteen laps around the room.

i began to space out again. it’s really tempting to fall asleep, but they would just get worried about me—Takeda would probably call 119 if that happened.

everything flew by as if it were a time lapse. even my brief conversation with Kageyama as we did warm-up felt like such.

my face felt stiff—it pained my cemented cheekbones to force a smile when necessary.

Nishinoya pointed this out quickly, as we were stretching our legs. 

“Hinata, are you alive in there?” He waved his hand in front of my face, blinking me out from my dark forest of wordy trees.

“yeah, sorry.”

"move to the left, guys." Daichi instructed.

as we stretched, suga whispered, "Are you feeling okay?"

i nodded with a smile. "i'm fine, just tired."

he raised his brow suspiciously and shrugged. i knew saying "i'm tired" was a bad move, damn it!

i swallowed my spit thoroughly, as i attempted to keep my mind focused. i felt Nishinoya and Kageyama’s gaze on me, but i tried to pay no mind to it.

volleyballs were quickly flying past me. i could barely hear the object hit the ground, and joy barely lit me up when i got to practice my set with Kageyama.

it was barely a flicker when i got to see what was beyond the other side of the net; i really only got to experience what it was like to be tall, and to be uppercase when i saw the sunlight shine onto the other side… it looked like it was a stage.

now, it’s gone.


	2. Cranberry Shivers

"achoo!"

"Caught a cold?" Kageyama asked. i shake my head and warm up my hands by rubbing them together.

"aren't you cold? i'm freezing my balls off here."

"Not really. I was born in the cold, remember?" he said as he took a large bite out of his tofu burger. i'm jealous that he gets to have stuff like that for lunch… wait, does he even know how to cook?

"You want a bite?" he asked.

i bite my lip and shake my head, looking down at my lunch in shame. "no, you made it. you eat it."

"I'm being considerate, your lunch looks like dog shit. Open."

his hand cups my jaw, and his thumb opened my mouth slightly. my face flushed from his cold touch as i opened my mouth entirely.

"ahh!" Kageyama placed the uneaten part into my mouth, and i tore off a piece. it was good; better than any meal i've ever had.

"There, wasn't that hard." Kageyama said, removing his hand to finish the rest of it. i cup my cheeks, lightly slapping them in order to make the blush go away.

i’m not sure if it’s just his oblivion or my insufficient skills at hiding my feelings, but i’d like to hope it’s the former.

his burger just made me not want to eat. i’m just happy that he doesn’t know the first thing about this life.

the rooftop we were sitting on faded into a glassy surface, almost like a mirror. i saw my reflection, and gulped from my dim brown eyes glaring back at me.

Kageyama shook me, and i snapped out of it. “sorry, what?”

“Were you even paying attention? Boke.”

“i’m sorry! what did you say, i’ll pay attention this time.”

he rolled his galaxy eyes and turned his focus to the gray skies. “Do you think we will still be friends after school?”

“i think so. do you think we won’t?”

“I’ve been getting this feeling that we’re going to fall apart, even though you’re basically my best friend.” my heart fluttered when he called me his best friend. it’s heartwarming when he calls a lowercase like me his best friend, even though both of us are in totally different leagues in societal terms.

“you’re my best friend too.” i mumbled. i want us to be more, but i know that it would be basically impossible.

i took a glance at the school garden a few feet away from us. the gardening club decided to make their garden up here since assholes kept ruining the one in the backyard.

a splash of color sprouted onto the daisy when Kageyama kneeled next to the flower bed. "Got something on your mind?"

"kinda. i barely slept last night because of your antics."

"Don't you mean your antics? You were as high as a kite last night, I could barely sleep.” Kageyama’s right about that; i was ecstatic last night since that was our first sleepover.

“it was fun though.” i think i fell in love with him deeper after we exchanged secrets, watched movies and ate ice cream together. we were like a couple… but without kisses and hugs.

“I’m glad I got to hang out with you.” his slight smile made me blush, and warmed up my figure in a major way. i kneel next to him, and gaze at the yellow petals next to Kageyama’s fingers.

this moment… it reminds me of a bright summer day i got to spend with Kageyama a couple of months ago; it was on my birthday. i think that was the last time i wasn’t feeling like a total bummer for hours on end.

we got to eat cake together. pretty sure i blushed the entire time, but he was too oblivious to notice.

“hinata?” his voice skipped into my ears like a series of musical notes. i raise my head slightly and turn towards Kageyama’s direction.

i felt my face get hot from our distance… i can see the ocean waves crashing against each other in his eyes. his lips were tempting to touch with my own set…

“Come on, stop staring at me. We have to go to class.” he said, his hand suddenly in front of my face instead of Kageyama’s perfect features.

our parting conversation was grief after i took his hand.

“ah! sorry!”

“Calm down, you’re fine. See you at club?”

“duh.”

his parting smile was sad, but hopeful. it gave me scraps of hope as well, though i know it will be diminished quickly.

before i knew it, i returned to the purple forest. i was in the same position as i was last night, and my cheek felt sticky when i rose from the mud. i didn’t think i was going to come back here...

i rolled over and flinched when a fragment of the clouds landed on my cheek. quickly after many others showered on me; the beads were transparent and looked like pieces of white chandelier. if i could get a closer look at them, i could probably see my reflection.

the clouds were slowly shifting above me. no trace of the formerly blue sky was in sight… i don’t think i’ve seen the sky in six months.

my hand grabbed for the chained pendant on my neck, and i looked at it. it had the same shape of the men’s restroom symbol, but it was tilted to the right. on one side it was smooth silver, while the other was bedazzled. the bling was so clean that tiny pieces of my face were reflecting off of the material.

i shouldn’t have something this pretty on me… necklaces have always been too gorgeous and luxurious for me to even touch, let alone wear and own.

“Wake up Hinata!”

“w-wha?” i drowsily opened my eyes, and locked eyes with the teacher. crap, did i fall asleep in class again?

she did not look happy, and the anxiety began to make itself comfortable in my bowels. i swiftly sat up and bowed to her as an apology.

“i’m sorry! it won’t happen again, i swear!”

my classmates were chuckling and giggling around me. a drip of sweat began to roll down my face, and it landed onto my desk softly.

“Stay after class. We need to talk.” she chastised. my heartbeat calmed down a little, but the anxiety is still trying to adapt into a panic attack.

i wipe my sweaty forehead and pull up my hood as an attempt to block out the evil grins and laughter. she’s going to tell my mom, i can feel it in my gut…

twenty minutes later, the class was empty, exempt for her and i. she looked at me, and motions her finger for me to come over to her. i comply, and wait to be chided.

when she started to speak, my brain immediately became clouded by the existential void. The floor slowly faded into an endless abyss of stars; they were big and small, and there were also thin and wide.

my heart rate began to slow… and the side of my head began to feel sore. did i bang my head against something?

a distant voice is calling my name. is it Kageyama… it sounds like him....

“I will not hesitate to send you to the principal’s office, Hinata.”

my heavy eyes opened, and my vision was all horizontal. did i fall asleep again?

“sorry… what?” i raised my head and gulped when i made contact with my homeroom teacher. she looked angrier than before… oops. 

she sighed and lightly rubbed her forehead… she looks exhausted. "Whatever. Fall asleep in class again and I'll report this to the dean, do you understand?"

"i-i do. can i go now?"

"Yes." i sprinted out of the classroom and rushed to the gym. Daichi is going to kill meee!


End file.
